It's really hard for me to register it all sometimes. It's early in the morning, and I have really bad anxiety about the trip. So many details to tend to. So much shock to deal with upon arrival. I'm trying to make things much easier for myself, but I just... it's hard. And likely to get worse for me the closer it gets to the flight.
The worst thing about it all is that this anxiety is legitimate. My life is going to change significantly for an extended period of time. Who wouldn't be anxious? There's no way in hell I'd change my mind about going. Not a chance - not even a consideration. It's going to happen. I actually wish the date could be here already.
And to be honest, I doubt I'll be homesick. It just makes my psyche so uncomfortable. Normally it's social situations that put me on edge, but I feel as though I won't make it the next month and a half without an anxiety/panic attack - and I don't even want to think about to potential depressions.
Lalalala, sunshine celery broccoliiii.
The results of my google search on the subject are quite sad, seeing how people really play into the medical aspects of it all. I don't want to do that. I just want to go to sleep, rest easy.
I don't expect to return to the States fluent in Mandarin - unlikely. There will be days, I'm sure, where I'm too afraid to speak to anyone. But I know I'm passionate about learning, and I will have a click while over there. One of many clicks. Where I won't be scared anymore - and if I don't like my environment, maybe I'll pursue another language, or another environment.
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