3am, Mandarin, cultural anthropology, and privilege.

I understand it's 3-something am. And I'm awake, cooking, of all things. But sometimes I wear my brain out with this studying - it's about equal to frayed pantyhose as far as durability right now. I almost feels like it's finals again. Either way, I sat down today and organized all 1000 of my Mandarin flash cards... by family structures, numbers, time measurement, food, body parts, key phrases, and the like. I also made a pile of cards for the objects I can find in my house, and went through all three floors taping them to their correspondents. But by the time I finished, I didn't even feel like making the effort of drilling myself anymore... so this is definitely a long-term method. I may end up drawing up a study guide for myself - what topics I need to focus on when, based upon level of importance.

It's very much like freelisting, but I couldn't name or describe my own words - I was given them. Still, it's quite the exercise. Not just as someone eager to prepare themselves almost single-handedly for acquiring another language abroad, but as an anthropologist.

I haven't really stopped to actually describe my feelings for anthropology - and I do mean cultural anthropology, though within the category, everyone has started dropping the specifics. To me, it's more than academic, more than study, more than theory. It's not a religion, but it's a way, it's a tao - 道. It's meant to benefit more than the elite Academics that are perched upon their bookshelves, playing mental chess with theories on human beings and the oft-distant experiences they cannot always have for themselves. I don't want to be distant, I don't want to be an elite observer. I've lived so long in that way. I'll have to elaborate more later.

I know I've been taught to misunderstand just how valuable my education is, just how different it actually makes us from so many other people - I'm trying so hard to fill the gaps and unveil the numerous privileges I receive. But now, school isn't a true want, or even a need for me anymore. It's just an excuse to do what I love. And it's co-signed.