So apparently, to some people here, it's "just a fact" that black women aren't attractive. I mean, everyone knows/would agree, so come on -- what is there to be upset about? I don't *look* black, after all. So I really shouldn't be offended.
It's shit like this that makes me feel really very isolated here. Shit like this I'd like to leave at home. A lot of people reading my blog have been doing so for a long time, and know the shit I've seen and experienced here. But the disappointment doesn't change. When my cousin decided black women "weren't on his level," I was angry and disappointed to be related to someone with such blatant self-hatred. When one of my new classmates last year at Sichuan University decided to tell me all the reasons he dislikes black people, it hurt and flabbergasted me. And hearing this, same shit in a different form... It never stops hurting.
I know I look safe. But really. I'm tired of people using me to test out "nigger" on. Just to see how I respond. I'm tired of people trying to white-bond with me. Tired of people trying to tell me the cultural isolation that I've witnessed and experienced at home is chosen. Just ignore our offensive garble and we can all just get along, right? Just like before, huh? I am not obligated to listen to anyone's idiocy just because I don't "look black." I really love my family, and the insight it's given me. I wouldn't change anything about myself. But I'm not having any more conversations with non-blacks about black people anymore. I don't owe it to anyone. Next time I hear something so demeaning, I'm just walking away. And I pray it doesn't persist.
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| Advi de zhaopian. |
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