Subconjunctival hemorrhage.

Two nights ago, I was so stressed that I think it caused a blood vessel in my eye to burst.

I was doing everything else that could possibly cause it, including throwing up, sneezing, and coughing... but geez. It happens to me so rarely.

Apparently this has been happening to a few of my friends as well, but taxi drivers keep driving in huge circles, ignoring correction and direction even on the part of Chinese speakers. And it happened to me last night, within the clusterfuck of flooding my apartment, and not being able to stop oozing snot every two minutes.

I'm going to try to eat more vegetables... it's really hard to avoid starches and sugar here. :(

Optimism.

I feel I'm really starting to get a handle on this city, and being mobile within it. I'm not afraid to just hop on a bus to nowhere, or get into a taxi without knowing how to say the name of a place. I can direct in Chinese, though only very basically. Unfortunately I had to skip out on classes this week to handle my visa drama, but it's all finally handled.

I'm really quite excited to come home. Today I ducked into a few stores and saw things I'd like to bring home for Christmas. What's most exciting is the fact I can afford them. As usual, I'm not really interested in presents; I have everything I need. But it would be nice to have a quilt.

(I'm typing this in a Muslim restaurant, and a few men tried to bring in baijiu. Drinking alcohol, of course, isn't allowed in here. Before I came here, I tried some soup at a restaurant I've never been to before. Because I'm so awful at reading, I just picked the one with the most recognizable characters -- "ji" and "hua." I received a very strange concoction of very recognizable chicken parts. I mean, I ate it all, but now I'm eating egg-tomato-rice just to make up for it.)

What I've been up to the past few days.

New friends, healing, chess. 

所以。。。

I haven't posted in a while. Nothing really to update on, except it's really cold today. It was yesterday as well, and I don't have a proper coat so I've been taking taxis everywhere. I also still have a cold/no voice.

I've been finding myself having more fulfilling interactions lately. I say "interactions" because they're not exactly conversations, since I'm generally unable to express myself as specifically as I would like in Chinese. But I've been talking to the right people, and pursuing the right things. I even quit drinking.

I'm still working on a more permanent stay here... but I am unsure of whether I'll come home for the holidays or not. Right now, I'm thinking not. Every time I think about home, and how I miss it, I remember I also don't have my own apartment, or a real job. I'd probably find myself back at my grandmother's house, scuttling about after gigs since I can't stand the thought of a consistent daytime schedule.

I want to make this my home for a while, and make my imminent return home a mere visit. I can't stand the idea of losing my mobility. There's no person, or job, that I want to settle down for. But I think it may be time to pursue the flight attendant idea.

Two irrelevant b&w photos.